i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
