you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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