You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
