Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
