Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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