I hate your face
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
