Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You are the jesus of drinking
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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