Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
