I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
