so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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