Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
