well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
