is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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