The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
