I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
