You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
