things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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