just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
