so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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