i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Are we still banned from the library?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
