Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
