im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
