Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
