with your own penis?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Four minutes until I can fart!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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