i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
