it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
