Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
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All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
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A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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