considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
