So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
