I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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