I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
