I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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