how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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