I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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