Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Randomize
