is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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