so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
God, I missed his penis.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
