I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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