if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Randomize
