i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
