Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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