I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
