I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize