I wish I could punch you in the face.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
