real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
