i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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