So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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