Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
