Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I need to sanitize my soul.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
