your thong is hanging out like whoa
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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