woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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