she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
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I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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