i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
