2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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