I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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