Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
