Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
