Sry I called you an 8
I cockslap morals
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
