Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
