I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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