just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I could fuck to npr.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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