I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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