She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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