Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
