i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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