I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
