I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
