The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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