btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
